Consider it Done

Organized religion has done a real head job on us. When we buy into it we compartmentalize our lives into something totally unrecognizable. We divide it into the things that seem acceptable and those that are not; when in actuality all of it is who we are. It is no wonder mental ailments are so rampant in our society. Jesus said a house divide against itself cannot stand, many of us are divided within ourselves how can we stand?

I tend have the perception that an all powerful God that could create the Universe would not be a deceiver. He would not give humans or animals faculties that they were not suppose to use. We certainly need to learn appropriateness so that we don't self pleasure in public but that is vastly different from denial or suppression of our natural inclinations.

I often believe that religion without being tempered by common sense causes an internal strife. There is a beauty in being able to listen not only to your body but to your spirit as well and be true to it. Many people live unhappy, unfulfilled lives listening to everything and everybody but themselves & that still small voice that speaks from within. We pretend to trust in God yet don't trust that He speaks to each of us. If we do hear what we heard can't possibly be right. It's too audacious, to good maybe to be true for us or requires more risk than we're willing to take.

To Be Good

Most of us wonder about how different our lives would be if we had made other choices. I know I do. I wonder what I would have done if I grew up believing I was beautiful. Or if I thought it was okay to live a free and adventurous life. It is truly the nature verses nurture question for me. My nature says be out spoken, bold & adventurous. My nurture says a good Baptist girl gets married, has babies, keeps a clean house, joins the PTA and has dinner on the table when her husband gets home. Seeing life in terms of this continuum puts you at a terrible disadvantage. The definition of being good is so narrowly focused that if not this then that. I'm not good therefore I'm bad. These external value judgments cloud the real truth.

At a certain point in our lives we have to stop with the holier than thou attitudes and figure out what it means to have a real relationship with God. In becoming more spiritual and less religious we discover a God that wants us to be happy. That He didn't create us from a cookie cutter destined to monotonous Stafford wives. Spiritualized living recognizes God speaking constantly. Believe it or not when we're more spiritual God becomes more expansive, more powerful weaving in and out of every experience or encounter. We stop limiting God to a book and see Her everywhere actively involved in our lives not standing in judgment but beaconing us to rise.

The Kingdom of God is spread out before us here on earth. It is not only in the good that we see but also in the bad. In this awareness when you're confused simply ask the question God what would you have me see here? And anticipate the answer.

In All & Through All

I was following a friend to shop one day, she was taking her car in for service. We were on the freeway and I was clutching my steering wheel crying and praying out loud about a number of things that just weren't going right in my life. Finally it got to the point that I felt all prayed out, I had that pause where I thought what else? I started that involuntary sniffling we do after a good cry, you know the one where your chest heaves as you try to catch your breath.

I often use my drive time as prayer time as if traffic was some metaphor for life. This morning the traffic was thick and I had been careful to keep my eye on the car ahead of me maintaining what I thought was an acceptable distance. We'd be exiting soon so I was drying my eyes. I wanted the puffiness to go down before I had to get in the car with my friend, I didn't want the questions about why I was crying that was my business. Then out of nowhere this huge 18 wheel semi started cutting over into my lane. Checking my rearview mirror I prayed & screamed not wanting to be hit from behind as I jammed on my brakes. I was screaming all kinds of profanities at that truck.

In a matter of seconds I had gone from praying to cursing calling that driver everything but a child of God. How dare he cut in front of me like that? I could have been killed I thought and uttered a reluctant thank you to God for moving me out of the way. But I fussed at God "why does it have to be so darn hard all the time?" That truck almost hitting me was adding insult to injury or putting salt in a wound. As I was pondering my seemingly terrible lot in life I saw the truck, as if for the first time. Written across the rear door in huge cursive letters was "consider it done." Tears started pouring from my eyes freely as those words penetrated my soul. Consider it done! Thank you God, thank you.

Step Out 2 Step Up

Recently I asked a friend to appear on my TV show, I was somewhat pressed to get a guest and knew he needed some PR for his newly formed business venture. On the day of the taping he called to say that he wasn't dressed right, his face was broken out, and a number of things that to me sounded like cold feet. Who passes up free publicity?

I have frequently had to talk guest into doing something that they really want to do but often lack the confidence or courage to do. They worry what others will think or say as if an opinion can, of themselves, cause harm. Truly the only harm an opinion can do is when we put a period behind it, accept it as truth and think end of story.

There is always the risk of not getting chosen but if we never step out there we run the added risk of not being seen either. All success carries with it some degree of risk, if we risk nothing we gain nothing. At least in doing or putting ourselves out there we are open we not only get exposure but we find areas to improve for better positioning.

Growth

When I first started out of the radio years ago stressed over the idea of finding my voice. I kept going on about how I wanted to be perceived, the affect I wanted to have and the general feel and texture of my show. I appeared on other's shows, co-hosted and eventually got my own show and time slot and still I talked about finding my voice.

A dear friend and fellow talk show host gave me a tape and asked me to listen; I was surprised to recognize the voice that I resonated most with was my own. I know that sounds strange how could I not recognize my own voice? I felt like I was having an out of body experience and all I could think was WOW! That day I stopped searching for my voice and realized that I had had it all along, it grew out of who I was and not something I made up based on what I thought others wanted to hear.

Self Acceptance

The challenge of accepting oneself is an internal challenge; we are often quicker to condemn ourselves than to be condemned. We compare and judge thinking that what we think about ourselves others think also. Growing up we learned to modify our behavior and thinking by listening to the constant input of others eventually, drowning out or losing track of our own voice. Part of the maturation process is finding or reclaiming that voice. That reclamation process can be very different for each of us.

• Some try to fit in or blend in attempting not to differentiate themselves from the crowd. Go along to get along.
  
• Some fight against the crowd; often taking on the role of an outsider or antagonist.
  
• Some become approval addicts or develop co-dependent personalities.
  
• Others learn a sense of confidence that says yes we're different and that is okay.
  

To a great degree learning to accept your own voice means that you must stand on your own two feet and risk the disapproval of others. It also makes room for the possibility that others may be impressed or persuaded by your stance or inspired to let go of the self-defeating habit of seeking approval.

Make time for yourself daily so you can get clear on what you think or believe and define what is important to you. When you get clear on your core values let that serve as your litmus test. The last thing we need is more coppertops jumping on a bandwagon to nowhere. Challenge those around you to look beyond the surface of what's popular.

What Does Courage Dictate You Do?

A few years ago people started popping up with these bands and necklaces that asked the question WWJD or What Would Jesus Do in an effort to be more Christ like. I certainly thought it provided a good litmus test for our actions but was a little too abstract for me. It seemed much easier for me to ask myself what would love say do? In my mind I had a clear idea of what it meant to love but when I begin to think that I know what someone else would do I get a little cloudy.

My aim is to act loving. Others don't always perceive the love because even love can sometimes seem harsh. Times have changed so much our homes can often be out of balance if we don't have both male and female energy present. As a result I think that we, especially women, tend to coddle their children so much that they are cheated out of some growth experiences. If they don't get the lesson at home it is necessary that they get it somewhere. Often the most loving thing a person can do is tell the truth no matter how daunting that truth may be.

After doing the blog I wrote yesterday about clockworks and how things come together as they should I started thinking about some of the choices I've made and asked myself when it was I was stretching to my highest and best? There have been numerous times that I've stretched and acted from courage. There are also times I acted from fear. Did courage require an outside push, mine did not but as I recall when I acted from fear I sought counsel to tell me what I was doing was ok. Hmmm. . .



Today, this morning I thought that I should modify myself talk to include what would courage dictate I do? Faith isn't blind it's visionary but it requires courage. You have to have faith to be courageous because courage requires presence of mind. Fear if given entry festers and grows and can eventually permeate your thought system. Hence the admonishment by Roosevelt who said the only thing to fear is fear itself.

It Happens Like Clockworks

I was looking for a small notebook, and rather than go to the store and buy yet another one I decided to look what I had in the house to recycle or re-purpose a book. Now let me say that yes, I can be somewhat of a pack rat, I have notebooks from college that have to be 20 years old. I have boxes of journals, new and used, because I write daily. As I'm typing this it's back to school season so I just purchased extra journals at the back to school prices.

After a brief search I found a small green fat notebook that is so old the lines had started to fade. It was perfect because I was just planning to keep a food journal for about a month to keep track on how different foods affect me. You know if you get bloated from dairy or a headache from coffee, the kind of stuff you can just quickly scratch down and forget about till review time.

The notebook was half filled and coincidentally started off with the number of a man I just ran into by accident a few days ago. He was in the grocery store riding in one of those handicap scooters. He asked if I was still on the radio. I told him about the TV show I was doing and he said "see I told you so" as if I had that kind of memory.

As I thumbed through the book it seemed to be a journal that I'd kept in my meditation closet. It was full of insights and prayers. It was dated for the turn of the century December 1999, which is probably when I met that guy and several months thereafter. It chronicled a few conversations with various people about money, vibrations and stuff I needed most of which I have since gotten and given away to goodwill. I wrote about what it would take to get a cable show.

In 1999 getting a show seemed to be about politics and who I knew. I seemed to be struggling to make it happen. When it actually happened it was the result of someone asking me "hey can we get you to do a show?" I said yes and things just fell into place because I kept moving forward. It is still not all that I've envisioned but as I keep moving forward I trust that all will happen as it should.

Prayer

When I had my center I seemed to struggle with finances, but I was so happy about allowing Spirit to use me. I use to talk about prayer & meditation which is the medium for creation. In meditation I'm conscious of the gentle spin of this wonderful planet and the movement of time. Everything is alive, active and moving but when I got clear in my mind about what I wanted and formulated it into a request or prayer I could feel a pause in the activity of life. It was as if someone said "wait-wait-wait: Sandra just put in a request." I could feel the adjustments being made in the clockworks, reset, and then a resuming of the movement of time.

Results aren't immediate in experience but seed was planted the moment I made my request. If left to germinate it will arrive when ripe. It's mostly about me growing into the person I need to be for my desire to come into fruition. It is not easy to trust that Spirit knows how to accomplish our desired result. This is most apparent in our search for a mate, rather than exercising patience we jump on the first thing that slows down.

The Gift

A brief review of that fat little notebook reminded me to trust that the answer to my request is always affirmative. When I was having the financial struggles at the center I jumped ship rather than practice patience. Intellectually, I decided that what I was doing was for ego rather than God; years later I see that it was ego fighting for its own life. The way I now distinguish between God's voice and egos is to see which one calls for my highest and best self? Which one requires a gentle stretch?

Sitting back and allowing or trusting Spirit to do what Spirit does isn't easy. Trusting God to send the people and experiences into my life to grow me into the person who will be ready or a match for what I desire is an act of faith. When the time is ripe there is no struggle, your desires will come together like clockworks.

Lessons on Loving

Last week I had a wonderful couple on the show. I went to college with Levett and had the honor of meeting his wife Pia for the first time on the show.

I love the way love looks with the eyes of adoration, its not something you can rehearse. I loved the interview and the beauty of the book. I hope you get a chance to check it out. I wish you love.

Finding Sandra

Years ago I was trying to figure out why I wasn't achieving what I knew in my heart I was capable of. I made a list of people that I knew, made a few exploratory calls and had conversations about "my situation," no one seemed to think that my failure to achieve my goals was a problem of ability but of timing. I didn't know how to get "unstuck" as I called it so I sought professional help. I made of list of all my talents, my desires and dreams, knowing that it was within my power to achieve them all, and headed down to the clinic. I waited quite a while not having an appointment. I would have to be seen, I was told, after or in between the appointments of others. The intake process included an interview to assess the problem and its severity. From there my case would then be discussed within the counselor's weekly review meeting to set up a plan of action. I would bet assigned to a counselor after which a date would be set for me to begin therapy. They warned me that this could take up to six months to be completed.

Therapy

My list and self assessment may have contributed to therapy sessions starting almost immediately. A counselor, Shaun Johnson, who was "sitting in" on the intake because he was just starting wanted my case. After several months of showing up and talking nonstop for an hour each week I asked if he had figured out what my issue was, why was I not achieving my goals? At the end of the session he said rather clinically "I think you suffer from cognitive dissonance let's talk about it next week." I went home pulled out books, got online and researched everything I could on cognitive dissonance which for me proved to be an elusive little bugger. It's when your ideal self and actual self don't match up, I know that is an over simplification but it works. What I needed to know was why not. One example was I have always wanted to write a book I read and wrote constantly but I was always my own worst critic. Either I wouldn't finish the book or I would feel awkward at having someone read or edit what I had written.

I wanted to understand why so I could get beyond it. Now having been diagnosed I could try to bring this distortion into alignment which is in itself a process. Shaun left moving to New Orleans prior to hurricane Katrina and we never worked through my issues. Was I not living in my own head or overly concerned with the opinions of others? Honestly I still struggle with it today. I still I hear my girlfriend's comments and tone it down when I'm getting dressed.

Finding Me

The challenge it seems is to live out my truth in the moment, without apologizing. Rather than getting distracted by arbitrary circumstance just do it. So what if I get the urge to write at 4 am or 8 pm I can actually do it rather than think about the appropriateness of the moment. I am absolutely guilty of at times being more concerned about others feelings than my own. That concern while many of us believe it to be normal and appropriate can have us marching to the beat of another person's drum rather than our own. Making constant modifications that leave us flying half staff and feeling grossly unfulfilled.

I have talked for years about our inherent uniqueness and the obligation that we have to live out the truth for which we were created to live. Often that means that someone will not like what I have to say, but my or your speaking up is necessary to move us both forward. My friends have an absolute right to make whatever comments they choose and I have an absolute right to hear them and disregard their opinion if I so choose. Overtime, if one is not careful, other people's opinions and criticism can chip away at one's perception of self to the point that we lose touch with our own truth.

Many of us have our own personal constitution that may or may not fit in with those around us. It is therefore necessary to find ways to celebrate who we are naturally. I always find it interesting to see the little girls who are girly with purses and dresses and those that are tom boys. As children our personalities come to the surface and are there defiantly. As adults the same is true but we often surround ourselves with opinionated others that sometimes cause a pause in our thinking to consider new information.

As I was typing this I heard my neighbor make his usual comment about turning left to enter your place of residence. Some are tempted to drive around the block and come back from the right just to avoid hearing his protest. Our opinions have to override the opinions of those around us or we'll get lost energetically. We have to surround ourselves with a variety of friends who either affirm us or with whom we have common interest. It is great to have friends who love to party as long as you also have those that will attend an opera or yoga class with you if you so choose. People don't usurp your individuality, we relinquish it to fit in and then wonder why we're feeling scattered and off center. We have to learn how to set effective boundaries so that we don't lose ourselves in others.

So make a list of what you love to do, places you love to go, values you hold dear and commit to speaking up when you feel moved to do so. In other words be true to you. May the force be with you.

In Memory of Eugene A. White

I went to the funeral of a dear friend today. I made the 30 minute drive to pay tribute to a man I adored. When I arrived the audience was full of people who also adored him and shared much of the same experience that I had. His son commented that everyone has a "Dr. White story," it was true and most of them were funny.

His obituary was filled with his many accomplishments he was complex yet simple. When we originally met he told me he was an atheist recognizing himself as the "got damn cause" of everything that happened in his life. This spawned many wonderful conversations that went on for years. One day he finally announced himself a Buddhist and threatened to dawn a loin cloth and parade the streets to talk about causality. His generous spirit will be missed. I am honored to call him a friend. I share here his list of guiding principles listed in his obituary.

White's Dozen

1. Everybody is a minority of one.
   
2. Every group is a lie (from Kierkegaard), every hog thinks his own sty is the nastiest. (his Mother)
   
3. I am more than a noun or adjective; I am a verb. Any relevant label for me must relate to my actions and not my adjectivized noun-ness.
   
4. I am not an effect, but rather a cause. I am responsible for my goals and my actions to achieve those goals, as well as for the consequences of my actions or inactions.
   
5. Thought is not so much the result of experience as experience is the result of thought.
   
6. One indispensable part of being a verb, i.e., of "doing," is that I ask. That facilitates my interaction with other verbs.
   
7. The world outside, from my point of view, is not under my control, is not rational, and is not sane. The world inside, however, is mine to control; it is indeed my kingdom.
   
8. "In the beginning was the word" and the word is not to be trusted.
   
9. My skin and hair have little, if anything, to do with what I am. They have more to do, however, with what others may think of me before they meet me. They also have much to do with my commitment to truth and justice, my love of wisdom, and my sense of humor. Those who look for me will find me inside my skin and hair.
   
10. Prejudice is the ability of some to know me without asking me. Some blacks are guilty of that also, as they insist that if I do not think or talk or act in certain ways, I cannot be black. I am a homo sapiens.
    
11. My six best friends are named who, what, where, how, when and why. (credit to Rudyard Kipling)
    
12. My seven rules of life are:
    
    1. I shall act today.
       
    2. I will perfect myself.
       
    3. I will ask for nothing.
       
    4. I will give generously.
       
    5. I will receive gratefully.
       
    6. I will not pretend.
       
    7. I will blame no one.
       

       (Credit to Seven Rules, A.W. Robertson. Gloxinia Press. 1960)