Book of Sandra ~ Awed by God

Chapter 10

We are all part of this vast matrix that I call God. Most of us like to think of God as a being that sits up high and looks down low. But viewed more correctly God is everywhere and in everything, not just in it, but is It as well. God is the source and substance of everything; we are literally made up of God. Unfortunately, we know this only to the degree that we are open to knowing it.

Authority Problem

A Course in Miracles said that we have an authority problem. We think that we authored God rather than God authoring us. As a result we think that what is true for us is true for God. Making God in our image we've created a God that is judgmental, unforgiving, non-accepting, and stingy. We can't perceive of a God that does not judge us because we judge ourselves and each other. We find it hard to accept that we are forgiven and accepted as we are because we have a difficult time forgiving and accepting. We think God is like us rather than aspiring to love as God loves or should I say Jesus? Most believe that Jesus smoothed out God's edgy ways; he took our lickin' so we can keep on ticking. He reconciled man to God by interceding on our behalf.

The Dare

Joseph Campbell in The Power of Myth talked about this in St Paul's letter to church which we have taken as scripture. He quoted, "For God has consigned all men to disobedience, that he may sow his mercy to all." Campbell goes on to say "You cannot be so disobedient that God's mercy will not be able to follow you, so give him a chance. "Sin bravely," he said Luther said, and see how much of God's mercy you can invoke. The great sinner is the great awakener of God to compassion." Mother Theresa said that "God loves a sinner," after a brief pause she added, "They tend to be more interesting people." We all need to awaken to a level of compassion for one another.

You have been blessed with intelligent freewill it is an attribute of God that He instilled in each of us. To be in the image and likeness means that we have the same abilities to make choices. God does not violate your ability to choose because She does not contradict Herself. But you are admonished to make your choices wisely because you are not punished for your sins but rather by them, karmic law says you get what you give in direct proportion.

We have placed God in the box of our understanding for far too long, we pretend as if we know what is unknowable. Once you think you know, know that It is beyond that, and beyond even that. Limiting your perception of God, limits your experience of God make room for transcendence. Expect to be awed.

Book of Sandra ~ The Proposal

The Trigger

I read a posting the other day about a young woman who had been offered $6,000 to marry a foreigner so that he could stay in this country, you know get his visa extended and eventually get a green card. She posted it for a friend who was trying to decide whether to take the proposal or not. Quite a few people responded to the posting but I was surprised by the reasoning.

Let's set aside the fact that our country is at war and there are people trying to come here some with ill intentions. Those we like to believe are few and far between. There are many people who would love to come to this country in hopes of building a better life. I find no fault in the desire to expand one's horizons.

I have met and dated foreign born men frequently both here in this country and when I attended a school for foreigners in Siena Italy. To be courted by men of different cultures is truly an interesting experience but that's not what we're talking about here. In the example shared there is a woman who is the mother of five children who is attending college and having some financially difficulties. She was approached by a foreigner with the aforementioned proposal.

Most of the postings complained about the amount of money being offered by this man to marry this family. Here's my problem. I find it offensive to think that this woman he is willing to marry is not worth dating or wooing. Not to sound condescending but how difficult can it be to actually date a woman who is having financial difficulties and five children, help me out. Sure it takes time, can be extremely frustrating and but so too can marriage. Court her and her children pay a bill, fix a bicycle, buy some McDonald's and rent a DVD on occasion and show that you can get with her program. Then the she and the kids may say let's do this because they see the benefit of having this man around, not because of $6,000 that is likely to be gone by the end of the first month. How insulting!

The Request

Here's what he is asking instead; I need you to live a lie with me for at least two years. We'll have to lie to the kids and make them believe that we're in a relationship because heaven forbid they give us away. Can you imagine INS interviewing the children only to be told by the talkative one that "oh he comes by and takes pictures of everything so he can pass the quiz." You'll have to lie to all your family and friends so they won't give you away because INS investigates these things. You might as well sign your kids up for the "my mommy's a liar club so I don't respect her club."

Life Lessons

I find the archetypes that Jung talks about fascinating, he says that we all have to grow through these life lessons. Most don't realize that life deals us a series of archetypal events so that we can consciously choose who we desire to be. So do we step up, step down or lay down? There is the Prostitute that deals with the sale or negotiation of your integrity or your spirit. We all have a price but whom or what dictates your price? Add to that the fact that she's a mother and therefore a package deal what's the family worth. There are always consequences to our actions, you guys, we need to shift this paradigm.

We are in the midst of a crisis of consciousness; we are failing our youth. If we don't make the shift soon all of our instinctive humanity will be sucked away. I know it probably sounds a tad bit dramatic but don't you think we ought to get a little dramatic? It's preferable to the continuing complacency that has plagued our community. The thought I had was of us drowning in shallow waters but on Mary Hartman (was it?) somebody drowned in a bowl of soup, are we going out like that? Are we still as adults dumbing-down so the irreverent loud mouths feel comfortable to set the tone? We rejected "moral values" for being too stoic for our casual society. We disengaged from family values when the Presidential candidate turned joke Dan Quayle started talking about it. So now where are we?

About Face

What's needed is not a new catch phrase or committee to reestablish human/self worth, its individual commitment to our future. This revolution of values must protect our freedom without diminishing our spirit. There is nothing but a lack of vision to prevent us from reordering our priorities. We must not allow small hearted, short sighted misguided people to drag us down this dark corridor of self hatred and spiritual bankruptcy. In our arrogance we think that we have chosen this path and protect it as if cutthroat individualism is the goal.

We need to have an all-out sustained effort to do an about face. We have to learn to love our neighbors as ourselves. Self love dictates that we treat ourselves as if we recognize our own inherent value and do what is good and nurturing. We treat others with that same value and respect as well. I love the quote from A Course in Miracles that says:

"When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him, you will see yourself. As you treat him, you will treat yourself. As you think of him you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself."

We are all connected and together we shall rise or fall, the responsibility for that is each of ours. We are affected by what others say and think and should therefore recognize that others are affected by your choice to step up or lay down. Do you have the spiritual fortitude to offset negativity? If not, make commitment to your own healing and maturation. Figure out what it means to love you and do that. What does it mean to protect yourself and do that. Once you do it for yourself doing it for another will be easier.

Let's get busy.

Book of Sandra

Chapter 7

Thoughts are powerful. This is one of my favorite poems:

I hold it true that thoughts are things;
They're endowed with bodies and breath and wings;
And that we send them forth to fill
The world with good results, or ill.
That which we call our secret thought
Speeds forth to earth's remotest spot,
Leaving its blessings or its woes
Like tracks behind it as it goes.
We build our future thought by thought,
For good or ill, yet know it not.
Yet, so the universe was wrought.
Thought is another name for fate;
Choose, then, thy destiny and wait,
For love brings love and hate brings hate.

-- Henry Van Dyke

It seems that some of us are catching on and becoming consciously aware of the power of our thoughts. New books come out all the time touting that old knowledge suddenly became new. It tells us that our thoughts create our reality in different ways than we heard it before but it is far from new.

• Everything your eyes see was once a thought in some one's mind so thoughts create
  
  • Thoughts transform both our internal mental state and our external experience.
    
  • Thoughts can also be very destructive.
    
  • Thoughts are the first cause of all that is. Let there be is a powerful thought.
    

Do you control your thoughts or do your thoughts control you? Some believe that they are at the effect of things as if thinking is involuntary as breathing and caused by something outside of ourselves. As if they have no choice in reactions given a certain set of circumstances. A Course in Miracles says that an untrained mind can accomplish nothing. That implication is that we train our minds how to think.

From my own mind I know that I can condition my mind to see as I choose to see. The thought that "only love is real" is programming; once entered into any equations it transforms how I perceive events. Through consistent training we change how we see and relate to the world some call it brainwashing but when you are the architect of your own mind it is simply being in charge of how you perceive your world.

A few years ago the book "The Power of Intention" had people talking differently about how they related to mind activities. Setting intention is the same thing; it is a suggestive thought that changes or transforms experience. Set your intention and your insight is changed regardless of what your eyesight observes. If I believe or hold it as truth in my mind "that only love is real" my mind will search for ways given the current data to see love. "Whatever appears not to be love is a call for love" is a redirect formula that is transformative as well.

Try it. Amos of Famous Amos Cookies says that God always says yes to us. Now set your intention for the next week to recognizing in every moment that God always says yes, it'll change around what you think. You won't have the luxury of criticizing yourself because the moment you do God will agree and make it so. Your thought that you're a screw up is realized and you actually do screw everything up. Change your thought to I am a money magnet and God says yes to that as well. You'll quickly get in touch with all the background noise in your mind that may not fall in line with what you want to experience. If God says yes to me then what I'm experiencing is a matter of mind so let me make sure I'm being diligent about what is in my mind. You are not a victim of your mind unless you choose to be. Be the captain of your ship control your mind.

Book of Sandra

Chapter 6

Talking bags of mostly water is how we were described on one of Star Trek's early shows but beyond that we are energetic thinking beings. We have life force energy that I also call power. If you've ever watched someone die or touched a corpse you know what I mean. It's as if someone flipped the switch and the power turned off and the energy that animated that life is gone in a flash. It takes energy to hold your head up, move your eyes across a page or swallow. Even in a relaxed state our body's still require energy to function.

We use various words to describe it energy, power, spirit or life force. We have debated for years about the point at which the life force enters our bodies; at first breath or conception. Whatever the case we definitely know when it leaves. The life force seems to indwell our bodies but since I can see auras or the energy that surrounds a person could it be the reverse? We talk about auras in terms of personal space, let someone violate that space and we know it. Here's some observational jibber jabber about energy:

• Our eyes transmit energy and whatever we look at we send energy.
  
  • Vietnam Vets say if you don't want to be detected look away, people can feel you staring at them.
    
  • A gaze can send energy either positive or negative by the thought held while looking.
    
  • Here's a question: is vision internal meaning a mental process or an external process dependent on a physical process?
    
    • Most of my insights come after looking away from a person. I close my eyes and visualize them in mind and can often see much better. I've seen on reflection places on their physical bodies that seem to be comparatively dimmer than other parts of their bodies. Try it, look at someone then close your eyes and see them again, what's different?
      
• Our thoughts transmit energy, we can direct, share, transmit or read with our thoughts.
  
  • All minds are connected we can send and receive messages.
    
    • Feel when others are thinking about us or sense emotions and distress.
      
    • Heal by sending positive energy.
      
    • Read what another is feeling or thinking.
      
  • Some can move objects – I'm still working on this one.
    
• Influence others because energy follows thought so we can send suggestive or instructive thoughts to another.
  

In Asians countries that talk about Chi energy. We all have it but through studying various forms of martial arts that can strengthen and train their energy developing the ability to move or repulse objects with energy that does not require physical contact. We all have this ability to lesser degrees because we have not trained our energy to do otherwise.

Energy Usage

As humans let's say that we earn a daily allotment of 100 watts of energy from eating, exercising and resting to do with as we choose. We expend 60 - 70 watts of energy in our daily functions like digesting food, muscles control, walking and basic physical functions. When we're young we have energy to burn but as we age we earn less and less watts of energy and may start to run on deficit.

Factor in where our thoughts go energy flows. We give up precious wattage of non-reciprocating energy to watching TV, living in the past, or worrying about things that may never happen. The more emotionally charged our thoughts are the more energy we expend on it so angry resentful thinking cause us to hemorrhage large amounts of energy. When we begin to run on deficit our vital organs begin to suffer because they no longer get what they need to function properly opening us up to sickness and disease.

Energy Vampires

It seems energy is a precious commodity on every level of life. It determines our level of dependence or autonomy, how well we stand up on our own two feet in the world. Naturally men lose energy through sexual ejaculation and women through menstruation, but the other way we lose energy is as a result of energy vampires that try to drain or diminish energy by physically or emotionally attacking another. Verbal and physical abuse is psychologically damaging and can deprive its victims of the energetic potency necessary to function fully. We see this often in a familial group or relationships where the aim is to control another through fear or to diminish the self- worth so you won't stray too far from home. Energy violations can paralyze or cripple the victim but does not leave the perpetrator unscathed either since there is a karmic cost to energy violations.

Forgiveness

Any time we have been victimized for whatever reason by anyone we need to forgive. Spiritually we lose energy when we are damaged; it's like having a tear in the fabric of our lives. If we focus on the tear, let it rule our lives or color our choices, we're sending energy to it so it continues secrete precious energy. Forgiveness acts as a clotting agent that seals and eventually heals the wound. Forgiveness is not easy but all that is necessary is the sincere desire to forgive. The Universe favors order and balance when we are losing energy we are not in balance. A simple request is all that is necessary to begin the process. Dear God I want to forgive this please show me how. If you are willing you will be shown the way.

Our level of personal potency, self-esteem, dignity and how we relate to others are influenced by the energy or lack thereof. The energy of our lives touches and animates everything we do and therefore is deserving of our attention. How are you using energy? Are you losing it or gaining it? What is the quality of your energy is it vibrant and healthy or negative and heavy? How do you make others around you feel energetically? What is the perceived source of your energy? Are you exclusive as in judgmental and competitive? Or inclusive and affirming? These questions will help you determine the quality of energy of your life. Remember energy follows thought so be mindful of what you give your attention.

Book of Sandra

Chapter 5

I grew up cooking. It was my job to start dinner when I came home from school. My father, a southern man, had to have certain things every day we had a meat, vegetable and cornbread. Nothing was easy either. Meat was usually frozen in our huge mammoth freezer so I had to remember to take it out that morning or get it thawed and cooking ASAP. Vegetables were labor intensive because we rarely used frozen and never canned. I made pinto beans, or black eye peas, or my mother's favorite cabbage. When I was in my early teens my mother would come in and help making mash potatoes and sometimes the cornbread to pull the meal together. We'd sit around the kitchen table everyday and pass food around, until our schedules no longer made it possible.

We'd set the table and after we were all seated we'd say grace. Most of us just said "Jesus wept," and be ready to dig in. My mother & father's prayer was basically the same "thank you for the food I'm about to receive for the nourishment of our bodies for Christ sake Amen." At some point we all had the opportunity to adopt our own prayers, my mother told me to look in the bible and something would speak to me. I decided on "but seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things shall be added onto you." I didn't know at that time how that scripture would follow me for life.

The Kingdom

Churches and their messages are so interesting to me these days. From the displays on license plates you would think that being blessed means you're prosperous. Material trappings or "these things" show that you are doing right by God. Implied in that message conversely is if you're struggling you'd better get right with God so you can have the good life too, as if the poor aren't blessed also. Bringing your treasure into the house of the Lord in the form of tithes and offerings are closely monitored by some churches to the point of requiring its members to submit paycheck stubs. You give at your place of worship in order to receive.

From my perspective the message they send is give to receive. So giving becomes an investment. My disagreement with this point is as it relates to intent behind giving. A Course in Miracles says that "the cost of giving is receiving," but receiving is not the goal. In the Old Testament or Jewish they left the chaff so anyone who needed it could take it. Chaff was corner & edge portion of their crops. That's giving.

So what does it mean to seek the Kingdom of God and his righteousness? It's more about how we treat our fellow man than what we do in our churches or synagogues. So what if you give $100 at church on Sunday but can't be bothered to give a single dollar to the homeless man. So what if you spend three hours at church on Sunday but not an hour on Saturday to work in a soup kitchen. We've gotten it so confused acting as if what we do in our churches absolves us from the work needed in our communities.

The real mission of Christianity is in how we treated one another. ACIM says that "many conspire with God that do not know God" Jesus said "that as you do onto the least of these you do also onto me." Our giving only at the church is selfish giving so that we receive, not so that others can receive as well. Others that don't look or act like you or who don't believe like you. Who is the Good Samaritan? The Kingdom is spread out all over the world.

My Point: Love

God is not an ATM machine that if you simply punch in the right prayers and give your 10% that you get back out what you desire, that's not how it works. Life happens without regard for what you do. God is no respecter of persons so you can do everything you think you were suppose to do and your body will still die and may suffer in the process. Ask Jesus, he died on the cross none of us get a free pass. So what really matters is that you make a difference; that you love. You are blessed to be a blessing to others. Are you your brother's keeper?

Book of Sandra

Chapter 3

I love the way life constantly provides fodder for thought or discussion. Feels like it did when I was doing radio, spirit knew it had a willing mouth piece and therefore gave me people and circumstances to talk about. Now don't get me wrong I'm not the type to get caught up talking about small minded ideas like material possessions or gossiping about people. I like to talk about archetypal themes that each of us have to go through to grow through.

In the introduction of A Course in Miracles (ACIM) it reads

"This is a course in miracles. It is a required course. Only the time you take it is voluntary. . . "

When I first read that I thought what a lofty thought, how would the author ever know that I'd pick up this book? So required for whom? What most of us don't realize is that this life comes with its own curriculum. We're engaged in a course in miracles and cannot do otherwise. All its lessons are lessons that have been undertaken since man became conscious of his ability to choose. The particulars of each lesson vary from person to person but not the aim of it. Lessons are repeated until you get it right.

Integrity

Nathaniel Branden defines integrity as "the integration of ideals, convictions, standards, beliefs – and behavior." To simplify its when your actions are in line with what you say you value. Most of us were raised with values of some type or developed them on our own later by deciding who we want to be in the world. If you value life, honesty, reliability or respect what you do should be in alignment with what you think/value/believe. When you violate your own values, you feel diminished or lose face to in your own eyes.

Personal integrity is one that many of us struggle with because it is so vitally important to not only how others see & feel about us, but more importantly how we see & feel about ourselves. Most of our formative lessons are there to teach us who we are as part of group and then to develop independently of that group. We develop a sense of self, our likes and dislikes as well as our own personal values. Many of us adopt the values of those around us and never consider that those values may no longer fit the person we have become. The group will have you to think that there is only one way of thinking, the right way – their way. One such group "the family" expects that every child born to their group will continue with the same religion, live in the same area, and carry on the same basic family values. As we mature we make decisions as to whether the family values fit with our current values. Sometimes they do and other times they do not.

For example, if you were raised with basic Christian values you learned that sex outside of marriage is wrong. If as an adult you participated in sex outside of marriage, you would be violating a value that you hold and would likely have some type of emotional reaction each time you had sex outside of marriage. Acting against your values is self betrayal and can leave you feeling guilty, dirty or just plain wrong. Violation of your own self trust diminishes self worth, self esteem and causes you to hemorrhage personal power which unchecked could lead to a variety of perverse behaviors. You either have to change your actions or your values to stop the hemorrhaging of energy. When alignment is achieved you can begin to develop and strengthen your self-perception.

Carolyn Myss said "From a spiritual perspective, the entire physical world is nothing more than our classroom, but the challenge to each of us in this classroom is: Given your particular body, environment, and beliefs, will you make choices that enhance your spirit or those that drain your power into the physical illusion around you?

We are constantly presented with challenges that make us demonstrate whether our heads, hearts and actions agree. Something as simple as the clerk giving you the wrong change and how you address it can impact how you see yourselves. Do you act with honor? That information is for you more so than anyone else, you may be the only one who knows, but the results of your decisions shows up and out in your energy field. They determine whether you lose power or strengthen it. More on this in a future post.

Book of Sandra

Chapter 2

I was always fascinated by the story of Jonah and the whale. The story seemed to suggest that we can't run away from our dreams. You remember the story; God told Jonah to go to this city to perform a particular task. Well Jonah wasn't going and decided to head in another direction, we all do that. Well he got swallowed up by the whale, stayed in the belly of the whale three days before he was spit out on the shore of the city he was suppose to go to in the first place. Now some of you will be upset that I didn't give all the details and metaphysical meaning behind them but those are much less important than the overall theme right here so let's not get stuck.

We don't often do the thing that we feel in our hearts we're motivated to do. Now certainly some believe that God's voice was audible back in biblical days, it was not. God spoke then the same as now, through our dreams, desires, other people, feelings, and a host of other intuitive modalities. Sorry, the sky really didn't open up and there was no rolling thunderous voice saying; "go my child to Brooklyn." God speaks by giving us overwhelming desires or great joy when we hit upon something we are called to do. That's why sex can't be all wrong, but that's another post.

I keep talking about freewill; I'll cover it in more depth at another time. God gave us freewill and will not violate it. Through freewill our right to make choices for our own lives is sacrosanct. Sure we get clues or gentle reminders about what we purposed to do, but the ultimate choice on what we actually do is our own. Now here's the question: upon what do you base your decisions on what you do?

The Choice

When I was much younger I went to church but was unable to totally dedicate myself to God. In my understanding a relationship with God was about denial and deprivation. I thought when I get older and have had all my fun then I'll do it. The preacher would talk about hell and damnation and say that I could die before the day is over so I'd better make a choice today. Unfortunately, we have learned to make a lot of decisions through fear. We live in a culture of fear, but I was willing to chance it.

I share that because many of us don't do the very thing that we most desire to do, the thing that we are called to do because of fear. We work jobs because we have to pay our bills. Rather than working on paying off our bills so we can follow our dream we make more bills. I asked a friend "do you own your house or does your house own you?" She was so much happier living in her apartment with much less to worry about. She was trying to live the American dream and forgot about her own dream. So she has taken one job after another that she hated trying to keep up with the bills from someone else's dream.

Purpose

Money isn't a dream, what it can buy perhaps but what benefit does that have for the world? If you look throughout nature it seems that everything has a purpose. Bees, flies, trees even snow has a purpose. We were each born with a purpose; something that only we can do. When you're not doing your part, playing your role, you're cheating the rest of us. No whale is going to come along and swallow you up but you might get laid off. You might get in a car accident, heaven forbid, that lays you flat on your back so you have time to think about what really matters. To remind you of what you're here to do.

I'm not exempt from the necessity to live out my purpose I'm typing this so I can read it. I get no greater joy than when I'm talking to a group of people sharing ideas. Using my voice, opening my mouth and saying what spirit lays on my heart gives me joy like nothing else. Getting paid to talk is an added bonus. I can see and feel a healing occurring as I speak.

I kept running away because of all that I thought I had to give up without realizing all that I had to gain. No I'm not a goody two shoes, I didn't have to be especially not as others define it. I'm not rolling in money either but I am experiencing a joy like I never felt before. What I do have to do is work on my motives, why am I doing this? What's the motivation? Am I operating out of love or fear? Try following your dream, you may like it. It may not seem smart or prosperous or even safe. Living out of your fear, that's slow torture. Do you get headaches or back aches? Are you sick all the time feeling like your body is breaking down? I'm writing about that now in my book. Allow yourself to be used for a greater purpose, it'll expand you.

I'm A Tree

We were in Seattle for a family reunion and I wanted to go to the famous market to see the salmon toss. My father said to his sister “Sandy doesn’t eat fresh salmon.” I was totally taken aback. I know it’s weird a memory to have but it had me thinking about exposure.



My father made an assumption about my culinary exposure. As a child I lived in a controlled enviroment. Our house, our yard had a fence around it, there was no internet or cable television back then. Up until a certain point in my life my father could say without equivocation what I had and had not been exposed to.



As we mature the things we are exposed increases. I live in Cleveland, Ohio which is part of the United States of America by accident of birth. Being an American holds no significant degree of pride for me. I love it because it is the home that I know. The same can be said for anyone’s home in any country in this world – we are all born where we are born by accident of birth and grow to love that place as home regardless of the culture until we choose differently.




I have traveled to different countries and have learned to appreciate them for how they are different. No thoughts of superiority or inferiority just different. I’ve walked on Egyptian sand it feels the same between my toes as Mexican sand and the United State's sand too. Air is air, sunshine is sunshine all over the world. There are some places I’ve been that if I could just stretch a little bit more I could grab a star, they seem closer. I’ve eaten live mussels in Italy, and swam nude in the Mediterranean Sea with friends I didn’t share a common language with. What we understood was laughter, good food and fun. We found commonality in spite of our geographical origins.



Today we are exposed more than ever to people that don't look, talk or think like us. It seems as if the world is shrinking as avenues of communicating expands. Basically we find that we are still just people, trying to live out what they’ve been told is the truth. We all want desperately to be right. To live in the right/best place, to have the right or chosen religion, to go to the right schools, to marry the right person and do the right thing.



From that gated yard to world citizen I know that my options are limitless. In college I was exposed to the idea of having “universal maxims,” ideas that I apply universally not what is politically expedient, popular or what I can get away with. My ideas or values remain consistent and are deeply rooted and remain unchanged. The basics:

• Everyone is good but they might not make good choices all the time.


• Everything is sacred and deserves respect.


• We’re all God’s children, even when we don’t know it or believe it.

We are each challenged to decide who we are and what we believe and live that consistently. As a nation we decided on a President and many have abdicated the philosophically grappling to him. Others have disengaged as I had during the Bush years unable to reconcile my values with our nation’s practices.

Under this new administration the question of torture arose and President Obama rightly stated that “that is not who we are as a nation,” it does not speak to the values upon which we were founded. Its an age old question: does the end justify the means? If the end is: we get the information, does it matter how we go about getting it? I say yes. If the end is: we get to feed hungry people, does it matter if the food was stolen from others to make it happen? Absolutely. A desirous ending is not justified by unjust means and therefore cannot be used as provocation. Ignoring either personal or collective values repeatedly is spiritually corrosive. America was choking from its own character crisis. We can not escape the consquences of our actions and inactions.

In A Course in Miracles the golden rule stated differently “as you see me you shall see yourself, as you treat me you shall treat yourself” . . .Never forget this because in me (your brother) you will find yourself or lose yourself. That so-called terrorist is your brother, who was doing what he thought was right based on the information he was given. That is not to condone anyone's actions I'm simply trying to point out human faces beyond our exposure.

What do you believe? Introspection:

• What are your core values or beliefs? (list top 5)


• What informs your choices? (religion, politics, books)


• What values do you apply universally and which arbitrarily?


• We are always teaching others who we are, what are you demonstrating?

I vow to be like a tree bowed maybe, but unbroken by the winds of change. If you ever find that the winds of your life start to blow and threaten to blow you off balance off center just reach out there are trees everywhere. Be one.

Living Out Loud

I got it yesterday, my first thank you card for Food for Thought. I use to get them all the time when I was on the radio. Tattered letters that looked like they'd been carried around in someone's purse a while. A woman showing up outside the station or at some speaking event. Then when I opened the center they'd just come there. I was always touched, but most especially by the ones that went out of thier way to say thank you.

Rue was my favorite. Another host had given a forum at the community college. It was well attended. I was there but not on the panel, it was political and heated at times. I held the mic for the audience participation part.

I saw her as she approached after the program, her face hard, her gaze direct. Truthfully I felt her contempt and wanted to shield myself behind the person I was talking to. Instead, I did what I have trained myself to do I thought "thank you God for divine order." I smiled and greeted her like an old friend, "Hiiii," (it was long and drawn out). She didn't smile back, that really troubled me. No one could resist my smile. That's what I was taught.

My mother was from the south and believed in grooming her children into the people she wanted us to become. She'd taught us to always smile, saying "you get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar." She'd be pleased when people gave us sodas or bags of chips free of charge, complimenting her what wonderful, well-mannered children she had. She and my father both were proud but as I write this it sounds more like a gypsy training without the intended deceit. "Smile and the whole world smiles with you," she'd say.

This woman at the forum didn't crack a smile she looked at me with a face of stone and asked "are you Sandra Bishop?" "Yes I am, do you listen to the show," trying to start a conversation. Her head shifted slight to the side and said "I recognized your voice." She was already walking away as I said "thanks for listening" to her back. No name, no hug, no hand shake - nothing.

When I first started doing the show it was about relationships and I called it Let's Relate in Love. I was trying to hook people up or at least talk about relationship issues. You could hear the pain coming out as anger when they called in. When I held events I would watch people come in the door and thought they looked like birds with broken wings still trying to fly. Here they are looking for someone to rescue them rather than for a partner. I changed my show. Real relationship work, I told them, was not about finding the right person, but rather being the right person. Heal thyself.

There were people I called the talk radio junkies. No matter what channel you turned to if didn't hear them calling its only because you just missed them or they couldn't get through. I imagined that some of them sat in their homes and switched from station to station just like we do our televisions. Michael was one of those talk show junkies, he listened to everyone even Howard Stern. He called me one evening and asked me on air "Sandra, why do you take callers? " Stunned, I was silent - that wasn't a question I was prepared for, it threw me. "Do you really think we tune in to listen to your callers?" I had to say something, there was dead air. I stammered a bit trying to explain that "this is talk radio, its for the community so they can have a voice." He paused then said dryly "we don't tune in to listen to your callers," and hung up. Now, that threw me for a loop.

I don't think people realize how feedback affects people. I've seen host that have gotten a rude caller that said their show sucked never show up again. Sometimes, we're bewildered by what the real meaning is behind their statements. Is this just today or every show? Was Rue angry at me? Was Michael saying I wasn't utilizing my callers correctly or that I needed to not talk to them anymore?

I had noticed was that the phone lines would start ringing even before I started my show. That happened for a lot of the shows. People would hold too, sometimes for 15-20 minutes waiting for you to answer. You say welcome to the show or something like that and they'd talk about stuff totally unrelated to what your show topic is about. I asked one guy are you even listening to the show? Our screeners only took names and told us what line they were on. Soon after Michael's call, I stopped taking callers and just talked. And I can talk.

Each week I prepared my show like a minister prepares a sermon. I'd gather info and do the research. I hated when people tried to wing it, its disrespectful. I have always felt it an honor to have people listen to me, they can easily flip the channel or get up and walk out. If you honor me with your attention I'm going to honor that by being prepared and having something worthy of your attention to talk about. And I was intimate with my audience - I define intimate as "in-to-me-see." That meant regardless of how they may judge me for what I said or thought I had to speak my truth, they deserve that.

I get choked up about stuff like that, because its not a game to me. Our minds our emotions are fertile ground and deserve the respect of one removing one's shoes. (feet ruled by Pisces symbolic of understanding) Moses took off his shoes - emotionally I do too. I know to whom I'm speaking and reverence is due. Anytime you have the ablity to influence how people think reverence is due.

I started going out speaking more. One Sunday I was doing an early service for someone. I got there just in time to walk into the sanctuary, it was early & I was verging on late. Seated in the hallway was a lady who looked to be in her early 50's a little homely looking. (you know I'm anything but) When she saw me rushing towards the entrance to the sanctuary she stood up. She was clutching a well worn purse tightly against her. She looked like a mother and wife who had always put everyones needs ahead of her own like most do, like mine did. She seemed uneasy yet determined.

Bobbie, who was guiding me in, said that she'd been there when she arrived. Said she needed to talk to me, but she couldn't stay. My bad I should have arrived early. As I smiled tears started rolling down this woman's face. She'd came to thank me she said for my show. I'm not sure how she took it but I heard myself say "No thank you, my show the issues I talk about are my issues, you just get to ease drop." That's what they mean by I'm blessed to be a blessing. I never thought I as doing anything important. I was just living out loud being used like a conduit through which blessings flowed and that others get a blessing too, well that was kind of nice too. So when I tell people I love speaking it because I do it for me, it grows me and blesses me. You can't get arrogant or think you're special when you get naked and bare your soul in front of other people. I describe the high I get is like a drug induced high, I'd imagine, and I can't wait for next fix.

I announced I was going to start giving weekly classes. I was studying the bible, A Course in Miracles, Joesph Campbell, Carl Jung, Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson and Carolyn Myss to just name a few. I meditated for at least an hour daily, studied and wrote.

I had talked the class up over the air but wasn't sure if anyone would come. I felt nervous. I'm not sure who was there probably just Maria & I. Maria has always been one of my most loyal supporters so I'm sure she was there. She and I were talking as we waited for people to show up. It was a small church. The outside double doors were made of heavy steel, once through those 10 feet ahead to the right was eight steps you had to come up that opened directly into the sanctuary. We'd set up the chairs in a semi-circle and there she and I sat. Waiting.

We heard the double doors open and bang shut. We had stopped talking and looked towards the steps. The air changed I felt a lightness it seemed pregnant to me, much like it does when its your turn to answer a prayer. Something big, someone big was approaching. I could see and feel the aura their energy, whoever this was was coming to give a blessing not get one.

I saw her, but not really. It took me about 30 seconds to realize who it was. It was the stone faced woman that approached me years before at the forum. She glowed and was smiling ear to ear as she embraced me, all three of us cried. Her name was Rue, Rue Love.

The station I was on changed their format in 2006 and ended my show. I thought I could go without living out loud, but it had me scattered. Serendipity: a guy I met at the radio station named TJ asked me at the last minute to be a guest on a cable show he was trying to get off the ground. I later ran into the program director offerred me a cable show too.

So fast forward to yesterday I got a card. In it the woman wrote "Thank you for letting the Holy Spirit lead you to give me "food for thought."" Thank God I'm living out loud again.