Book of Sandra

Chapter 4

Sometimes I can be pretty rigid. I'm not sure where all it came from, I was a rebellious teenager that bucked my parents and the system every chance I got. One of my closest girlfriends joking says that my middle initial stands for Defiance, I am that. I have never believed in just going along to get a long, it always seemed to me that I needed to live my truth whatever that was. For me living my truth is a matter of honor.

You may know that I'm a Trekky, The Next Generation was my show and Jean-Luc Picard and Lt. Worf my guys. I learned a lot about personal integrity, respect, and operating from a set of principles that orders my steps. I've already written my obituary thinking that if I know how I'd like to be remembered, it will direct how I live.

It seems that honor is missing in our society today, at least from my vantage point. There are some many people who live by the seat of their pants so to speak making decisions on the fly and not realizing the greater implications of those decisions. We have people who pander to the crowd going for what gets the reactions rather than what's right. Right is not always popular and we can misread reactions.

Whatever happened to your word being your bond? I confess that as I age my memory is not nearly as good as it use to be, so now I have to compensate by writing things down and sending myself reminders. I remember years ago a man asked me out that I was really attracted to. He asked me to meet him out for coffee and gave me a date and time. It was a week away. He was all that and a bag of chips by my estimation so he really couldn't be attracted to me. On the day of the meeting I kept thinking this is a joke, he's going to stand me up so I didn't go. It was over two years before I saw him again, I heard he had gotten married and was still doing really well. When he saw me he was with his wife but he stopped came over to me and as he hugged me he said "I waited over an hour for you and you never showed."

I didn't want to be that person whose words don't have meaning. Who does not do what she says she'll do. That lacks honor. I want to value your time and attention just I would my own. This is the golden rule; do onto others as you would have them do unto you. It's a matter of respect.

Whatever happened to respect? Where did we get this idea that respect is earned? My actions are based on my prime directive not anyone else's. How I operate comes from my value system and is not subject to change because of who I'm dealing with. When your actions are predicated by the actions of another it is them that is in control and not you. They push your buttons and cause you to react as they choose when that is the case, that makes you a puppet and them the puppeteer. Personal autonomy is necessary to have honor.

Wow, this keeps opening up so much for me. More to come. . . .

Rants & Raves

I fancy myself an intuitive, I try not to use those skills for anything more than the most mundane stuff like that the telephone is about to ring or who I'm suppose to talk to or what book to read. I am a pretty good so I try to stay present so that I'm aware of when to talk, to whom and what to say. Normally, I don't do readings on other people. When they think I can give them guidance they'll ask me to. Relinquishing your decisions making power dis-empowers you. We're given everything we need to make decisions and live out the consequences of those decisions.

I say this because when I meet people I can usually sense what type of person they are right away. I get sensations like slimy or slick people, positive energy, phony, duplicitous, draining and a plethora of other sensations that you've probably gotten too. The only difference is that I claim my ability and trust it, you may not. That is not to say that I summarily dismiss anyone whose character is questionable it's that I know what to expect already.

I sit in the closet every morning in meditation for at least 30 minutes, most time I lose track of time and sit for an hour. I consider myself linked in but that hasn't gifted me with anything other than being insightful and perhaps charismatic. I know things balls to bones; what I know is sourced only in the download I get in that closet, oh and my dreams. {You know this is one of the reasons people write to see what it is they are thinking and why. I believe that our gifts are given to us to use. There is strength in claiming something but also in using it so maybe I'll think about how I use my intuitive ability.} That was a side point.

Let me tell you why I mention all this. Yesterday I had a meeting with a guy who when I met him I chuckled, he struck me as being slick. He covers that slickness well with his fancy titles and accomplishments. When you armed with foreknowledge of a person it's easy to maneuver, so I don't fret about it, I just keep my wits about it. I'm a social person I like to make connections so hence the meeting. Suffice it to say my suspicion was confirmed. I know you want details but I'm tired of ranting, I'm thinking now and have some other stuff to do. Keep reading I may put some distance between the event and the post and write about it later. Stay tuned.

Book of Sandra

Chapter 3

I love the way life constantly provides fodder for thought or discussion. Feels like it did when I was doing radio, spirit knew it had a willing mouth piece and therefore gave me people and circumstances to talk about. Now don't get me wrong I'm not the type to get caught up talking about small minded ideas like material possessions or gossiping about people. I like to talk about archetypal themes that each of us have to go through to grow through.

In the introduction of A Course in Miracles (ACIM) it reads

"This is a course in miracles. It is a required course. Only the time you take it is voluntary. . . "

When I first read that I thought what a lofty thought, how would the author ever know that I'd pick up this book? So required for whom? What most of us don't realize is that this life comes with its own curriculum. We're engaged in a course in miracles and cannot do otherwise. All its lessons are lessons that have been undertaken since man became conscious of his ability to choose. The particulars of each lesson vary from person to person but not the aim of it. Lessons are repeated until you get it right.

Integrity

Nathaniel Branden defines integrity as "the integration of ideals, convictions, standards, beliefs – and behavior." To simplify its when your actions are in line with what you say you value. Most of us were raised with values of some type or developed them on our own later by deciding who we want to be in the world. If you value life, honesty, reliability or respect what you do should be in alignment with what you think/value/believe. When you violate your own values, you feel diminished or lose face to in your own eyes.

Personal integrity is one that many of us struggle with because it is so vitally important to not only how others see & feel about us, but more importantly how we see & feel about ourselves. Most of our formative lessons are there to teach us who we are as part of group and then to develop independently of that group. We develop a sense of self, our likes and dislikes as well as our own personal values. Many of us adopt the values of those around us and never consider that those values may no longer fit the person we have become. The group will have you to think that there is only one way of thinking, the right way – their way. One such group "the family" expects that every child born to their group will continue with the same religion, live in the same area, and carry on the same basic family values. As we mature we make decisions as to whether the family values fit with our current values. Sometimes they do and other times they do not.

For example, if you were raised with basic Christian values you learned that sex outside of marriage is wrong. If as an adult you participated in sex outside of marriage, you would be violating a value that you hold and would likely have some type of emotional reaction each time you had sex outside of marriage. Acting against your values is self betrayal and can leave you feeling guilty, dirty or just plain wrong. Violation of your own self trust diminishes self worth, self esteem and causes you to hemorrhage personal power which unchecked could lead to a variety of perverse behaviors. You either have to change your actions or your values to stop the hemorrhaging of energy. When alignment is achieved you can begin to develop and strengthen your self-perception.

Carolyn Myss said "From a spiritual perspective, the entire physical world is nothing more than our classroom, but the challenge to each of us in this classroom is: Given your particular body, environment, and beliefs, will you make choices that enhance your spirit or those that drain your power into the physical illusion around you?

We are constantly presented with challenges that make us demonstrate whether our heads, hearts and actions agree. Something as simple as the clerk giving you the wrong change and how you address it can impact how you see yourselves. Do you act with honor? That information is for you more so than anyone else, you may be the only one who knows, but the results of your decisions shows up and out in your energy field. They determine whether you lose power or strengthen it. More on this in a future post.

Book of Sandra

Chapter 2

I was always fascinated by the story of Jonah and the whale. The story seemed to suggest that we can't run away from our dreams. You remember the story; God told Jonah to go to this city to perform a particular task. Well Jonah wasn't going and decided to head in another direction, we all do that. Well he got swallowed up by the whale, stayed in the belly of the whale three days before he was spit out on the shore of the city he was suppose to go to in the first place. Now some of you will be upset that I didn't give all the details and metaphysical meaning behind them but those are much less important than the overall theme right here so let's not get stuck.

We don't often do the thing that we feel in our hearts we're motivated to do. Now certainly some believe that God's voice was audible back in biblical days, it was not. God spoke then the same as now, through our dreams, desires, other people, feelings, and a host of other intuitive modalities. Sorry, the sky really didn't open up and there was no rolling thunderous voice saying; "go my child to Brooklyn." God speaks by giving us overwhelming desires or great joy when we hit upon something we are called to do. That's why sex can't be all wrong, but that's another post.

I keep talking about freewill; I'll cover it in more depth at another time. God gave us freewill and will not violate it. Through freewill our right to make choices for our own lives is sacrosanct. Sure we get clues or gentle reminders about what we purposed to do, but the ultimate choice on what we actually do is our own. Now here's the question: upon what do you base your decisions on what you do?

The Choice

When I was much younger I went to church but was unable to totally dedicate myself to God. In my understanding a relationship with God was about denial and deprivation. I thought when I get older and have had all my fun then I'll do it. The preacher would talk about hell and damnation and say that I could die before the day is over so I'd better make a choice today. Unfortunately, we have learned to make a lot of decisions through fear. We live in a culture of fear, but I was willing to chance it.

I share that because many of us don't do the very thing that we most desire to do, the thing that we are called to do because of fear. We work jobs because we have to pay our bills. Rather than working on paying off our bills so we can follow our dream we make more bills. I asked a friend "do you own your house or does your house own you?" She was so much happier living in her apartment with much less to worry about. She was trying to live the American dream and forgot about her own dream. So she has taken one job after another that she hated trying to keep up with the bills from someone else's dream.

Purpose

Money isn't a dream, what it can buy perhaps but what benefit does that have for the world? If you look throughout nature it seems that everything has a purpose. Bees, flies, trees even snow has a purpose. We were each born with a purpose; something that only we can do. When you're not doing your part, playing your role, you're cheating the rest of us. No whale is going to come along and swallow you up but you might get laid off. You might get in a car accident, heaven forbid, that lays you flat on your back so you have time to think about what really matters. To remind you of what you're here to do.

I'm not exempt from the necessity to live out my purpose I'm typing this so I can read it. I get no greater joy than when I'm talking to a group of people sharing ideas. Using my voice, opening my mouth and saying what spirit lays on my heart gives me joy like nothing else. Getting paid to talk is an added bonus. I can see and feel a healing occurring as I speak.

I kept running away because of all that I thought I had to give up without realizing all that I had to gain. No I'm not a goody two shoes, I didn't have to be especially not as others define it. I'm not rolling in money either but I am experiencing a joy like I never felt before. What I do have to do is work on my motives, why am I doing this? What's the motivation? Am I operating out of love or fear? Try following your dream, you may like it. It may not seem smart or prosperous or even safe. Living out of your fear, that's slow torture. Do you get headaches or back aches? Are you sick all the time feeling like your body is breaking down? I'm writing about that now in my book. Allow yourself to be used for a greater purpose, it'll expand you.

The Book of Sandra

Chapter 1.

I was in Italy doing a study abroad program when I first decided to read the bible from cover to cover. I was miserable there for the first few months. During the 9 hour flight across the ocean I remember thinking that when I arrived in this new place no one would know me so I can be anyone I wanted to be. I thought of all the ways that I would clean up my act. I was going to be a "good" girl whatever that meant. I wouldn't be so sexual, everybody perceived me that way. I'd be sophisticated, worldly and philosophically deep like I'd longed to be, but nobody accepted me as. I was going to recreate me.

For the first few months I was miserable, I felt like an outcast. I was living in a villa with other students that I had little in common with and didn't want to find any commonality. They were far from sophisticated. So I moved out and in with an Italian law student Francesco who didn't speak a word of English. We'd met one day while I was walking down the street with one of the two American women I'd befriended while I was there. They were both older that I and I enjoyed their company.

I had taken quite a few books but their predictable story line sickened me after a while. I sat in bars or cafés after classes socializing and talking politics with other students from all over the world. But late in the evening when I went in for the evening there was nothing to do and many weekends I stayed close to the village where I lived. So I took on the project of reading the bible.

I'd been raised Southern Baptist. Really I don't know why I say "southern" I'm Black and it was a Baptist church. The distinction I want to make is that our church rocked every Sunday. My friends would jokingly say that the whole building pulsated with the choir singing to the top of their lungs. People would stand up clapping, doing the holy dance and getting the spirit. The older ladies would shout, as we called it, spirit would over take them and they'd lose their minds for about 10 minutes or so. Arms waving. Body convulsing. Wigs flying. I'd seen grown men jump off a 6 foot rise and run full speed down the aisle. The only way anyone ever got hurt was in trying to restrain those that had been overcome by spirit. This was a normal Sunday.

The minister started off each sermon reading a passage from the bible and then would expound upon the story. The normal course would be for us to feel conviction, as if he had somehow known our thoughts. Next was the guilt trip about how bad it was that we had ever thought those thoughts. We couldn't hide the all knowing, ever present God knew what was in our hearts and it wasn't good or acceptable so repent now. Lastly was the hope that we could put away our evil ways if we just surrender our will to God and live our lives as directed by Him through His word. Or more simply; be born again through the blood of Jesus. Same storyline every week only the scripture would change.

Now I had no problem with this, this was what I heard from the time I was a baby sitting on my parents lap in church. I had been baptized and born again. I'd always been told what to think and even when I got to college I wore my religion like armor, I would not be changed. They warned me, especially since I'd chosen Philosophy as a major that my beliefs would be attacked. I was a warrior in the army of God.

Fast forward to me being a student in a foreign land who now wanted to further her transformation into the 'good' girl by reading the bible. That was a good thing right? My bible was a rich blue leather bible that had a gold zipper that zipped all the way around. My named had been monogrammed on the front in gold letters my father had given it to me one Christmas. It was the King James Version and the teaching s of Jesus was set apart in read letters. Over the years I'd highlighted, underlined, bookmarked, dog eared and pressed flowers into those pages. Now finally I was going to actually read them all. In the middle column of each page was a reference section to point to other passages and some of the words were italicized to show that there was a discrepancy in direct translation.

In Italy you can't just walk into a bookstore and expect to find English books, not where I was. I decided that if I prayed for meaning it would be revealed, that was what I was taught. So I set out to accomplish the task at hand on my own.

I read "Let us create man in our own image." I was stumped. Who the hell was He talking to? Then the rhetorical question if a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears does it make a sound. Why was God talking if nobody was there to listen? I'd been bamboozled! This was a report, I thought, not the word of God unless whoever He was talking to wrote this stuff. If that was the case there wasn't just one God. I did continue to read but what I came away with was much different than the theology I'd been taught. It was surmised from much prayer and meditation.

I don't report this to claim that I know the truth, it is my truth and not expounded upon here to convince you of anything. These are my writing to share my ideas. If they resonate with you great, if they don't great I'm just sharing because that is what every person in the bible did, shared their insight on God. Call this the book of Sandra. Thanks for reading.