Book of Sandra

Chapter 9 ~ Blind Sided

Have you watched The Blind Side with Sandra Bullock? I've enjoyed her as an actress and appreciated the strong mother archetype she played in the movie it was heartening. This movie illustrated and reminded us of the complexity of persona. Who we are today is a summation of all that has happened before; our past experiences color how we see ourselves and the world.

The Blind Side was about a teenager whose mother was a drug addict, his father whom he didn't recall meeting had committed suicide by jumping off a bridge. He'd been snatched from his mother and put into foster care, lost contact with his siblings, and was eventually homeless until taken in by Sandra Bullock and her family. That family helped him get his life together and the family was blessed in the process too.

We'd like to think that as we move forward in life that our past falls away with each new step we take never to be heard from again. I've heard rap lyrics that say "it's not where you're from it's where you're at" that matters, put more accurately it's both.

Tabula Rasa

We come into this world hopefully as blank tablets, if you've ever watched a baby you know they come with their own little personalities and dispositions unique to them. As they develop their family and environment effects who they will become. We are in a constant state of becoming. Every second of our lives is recorded in our energy and impacts the next moment as we move forward. We have a tendency to think that only the big things have resonance but it is the small seemingly mundane instances too.

A friend of mine said that she wished that people would talk about the people who weren't adversely affected by their trauma. I said to her "there is no such thing as trauma without affects." We have those that are in denial and those that are aware, but everything has a fingerprint. Call it what you like side effects, issues, residuals, idiosyncrasies, behaviors or any host of other coping mechanisms. I explained to her how I thought I was fine and dealing well with my having been raped. So much so that I got a job working for the local rape crisis center and went out talking about it. It dawned on me one day as I listened to the other women that I did a lot of what other victims do, my not acknowledging it didn't change anything. I needed to heal so that I could make conscious choices so I got into therapy.

Side Effects

Reactions to the events of our lives vary from person to person and can be much more pronounced in some more so than others. Suicide or cutting is on one extreme and projected at oneself on the other end is withdrawal and passive aggressive behaviors. How we respond depends on many factors like age, duration, relationship, personality and so much more. We grow up in houses with parents that fall anywhere between being holy rollers and strict to having parents that lie, cheat, steal and fight. We carry the effects of those behaviors as well.

We are each a culmination of our past experiences. We tote our past along with us where ever we go. You can choose to be conscious or aware of your issues and what triggers a reaction or you can choose to stay unaware. Being conscious is a much more powerful space to be in because at least you know why you do or think what you do and make a choice to choose again. Remember you're not alone you're not the first to experience whatever has happened in your life. Do a search to find out how others cope or get professional help.

I'd like to hear from you, what has happened in your life that had an adverse effect? How does it affect you today?