Book of Sandra ~ Power of No

Chapter 11

I heard her say; "I keep meeting knuckleheads," meeting them or attracting them is not the problem. The problem is you knew he was a knucklehead and gave them your number or your goodies anyway.

I just wrote a blog on saying yes. I firmly believe that we have to be open to life to experience more of it. But the other day I ran into an old acquaintance. I never thought of him as a friend, he always struck me as being duplicitous and quite sleazy. I knew he was attracted to me, he seem to have all the trappings nice car & house but he had that yuck factor and for me that can't be overcome with material stuff. I was my normal winsome self went over to greet and hug him hello. We chatted for a few minutes and then came that awkward quasi-question that seems a natural progression to these chance encounters: "Let me get your number."

When we're young we have to be taught to be considerate of others feelings. My nephew, a 10 year old said to a grown man "hey you're short, I'm gonna be eating off the top of your head in a minute." It may be true but it was not even remotely cute or necessary to say. We can be considerate of others without being inconsiderate to ourselves. I know it sounds like that old saying: disagree without being disagreeable, it's the same sentiment.

Personal Value

At a certain point in our lives we begin to value our own piece of mind. Now, I care more about what I think of myself than what you think about me. My ego use to get caught up on other people's opinions but I learned what's good for my ego is often detrimental to me. How would I know what I think, if all I care about is what you think? That's abdicating personal authority to another. My real power is in my ability to choose and own my choices. Pandering to the opinions and desires of others makes you a dependent, cut that umbilical cord and stand up.

We all get lost or confused at times, we have our peak and valley experiences. If we back up a bit we can normally recognize which one we're in. Sometimes our friends point it out. I'm quick to say to a friend "you must be depressed." How we feel about ourselves shows up in the choices we make or fail to make. Our self caring suffers. I heard her say; "I keep meeting knuckleheads," meeting them or attracting them is not the problem. The problem is you knew he was a knucklehead and gave them your number or your goodies anyway. When we feel good we feel empowered to make healthy choices. When you're feeling bad, you don't always know it, but you will show it so sometimes the only option is to try to do no harm. Invoke your power to say NO!

Choose Again

Recently, I had to do a reevaluation of my life; what is important to me and what feels good. I had to find my center because I was in a fog. I knew that there was a bigger me out there, I remembered her, she wasn't just a dream I had she was my old self and I was somehow lost. I knew if I stayed on the road I was on I would keep drowning out her beacon call. I had to stop, distinguish her voice and once I tuned into her make an immediate course change before I lost her again. We all get lost from time to time we look up and find ourselves doing things we never would have done in the past. It's like the prodigal son who came to himself and said in my Father's house even the servants live better than this.

If that happens or has happened to you forgive yourself. We have to go through it to grow through it. Clinically it's called depression; none of us want to claim that so we call it midlife crises, bad marriage or almost anything else. Whatever you call it come to a full stop and like in the mall mark your spot, you are here "X" now. Why are you here, what brought you to this point? Get the lesson and then set a course for either your old home or a new one.

Engage

Now that you've determined where you need to go don't do any more damage by continuing to allow your current circumstances to dictate your future aspiration. Cut the cord and don't breathe or feed through it again. We have been so accustomed to living in our pain that we often cling to things that cause us more pain. Get clear on your destination and begin again. Know that your power lies in your ability to make better choices more aligned with where you are headed than where you have been. That's where you have to use the power of NO. No you're not going there. No you can't call me or even get my number. Consciously claim your newness through the power of NO.