What Does Courage Dictate You Do?

A few years ago people started popping up with these bands and necklaces that asked the question WWJD or What Would Jesus Do in an effort to be more Christ like. I certainly thought it provided a good litmus test for our actions but was a little too abstract for me. It seemed much easier for me to ask myself what would love say do? In my mind I had a clear idea of what it meant to love but when I begin to think that I know what someone else would do I get a little cloudy.

My aim is to act loving. Others don't always perceive the love because even love can sometimes seem harsh. Times have changed so much our homes can often be out of balance if we don't have both male and female energy present. As a result I think that we, especially women, tend to coddle their children so much that they are cheated out of some growth experiences. If they don't get the lesson at home it is necessary that they get it somewhere. Often the most loving thing a person can do is tell the truth no matter how daunting that truth may be.

After doing the blog I wrote yesterday about clockworks and how things come together as they should I started thinking about some of the choices I've made and asked myself when it was I was stretching to my highest and best? There have been numerous times that I've stretched and acted from courage. There are also times I acted from fear. Did courage require an outside push, mine did not but as I recall when I acted from fear I sought counsel to tell me what I was doing was ok. Hmmm. . .



Today, this morning I thought that I should modify myself talk to include what would courage dictate I do? Faith isn't blind it's visionary but it requires courage. You have to have faith to be courageous because courage requires presence of mind. Fear if given entry festers and grows and can eventually permeate your thought system. Hence the admonishment by Roosevelt who said the only thing to fear is fear itself.

It Happens Like Clockworks

I was looking for a small notebook, and rather than go to the store and buy yet another one I decided to look what I had in the house to recycle or re-purpose a book. Now let me say that yes, I can be somewhat of a pack rat, I have notebooks from college that have to be 20 years old. I have boxes of journals, new and used, because I write daily. As I'm typing this it's back to school season so I just purchased extra journals at the back to school prices.

After a brief search I found a small green fat notebook that is so old the lines had started to fade. It was perfect because I was just planning to keep a food journal for about a month to keep track on how different foods affect me. You know if you get bloated from dairy or a headache from coffee, the kind of stuff you can just quickly scratch down and forget about till review time.

The notebook was half filled and coincidentally started off with the number of a man I just ran into by accident a few days ago. He was in the grocery store riding in one of those handicap scooters. He asked if I was still on the radio. I told him about the TV show I was doing and he said "see I told you so" as if I had that kind of memory.

As I thumbed through the book it seemed to be a journal that I'd kept in my meditation closet. It was full of insights and prayers. It was dated for the turn of the century December 1999, which is probably when I met that guy and several months thereafter. It chronicled a few conversations with various people about money, vibrations and stuff I needed most of which I have since gotten and given away to goodwill. I wrote about what it would take to get a cable show.

In 1999 getting a show seemed to be about politics and who I knew. I seemed to be struggling to make it happen. When it actually happened it was the result of someone asking me "hey can we get you to do a show?" I said yes and things just fell into place because I kept moving forward. It is still not all that I've envisioned but as I keep moving forward I trust that all will happen as it should.

Prayer

When I had my center I seemed to struggle with finances, but I was so happy about allowing Spirit to use me. I use to talk about prayer & meditation which is the medium for creation. In meditation I'm conscious of the gentle spin of this wonderful planet and the movement of time. Everything is alive, active and moving but when I got clear in my mind about what I wanted and formulated it into a request or prayer I could feel a pause in the activity of life. It was as if someone said "wait-wait-wait: Sandra just put in a request." I could feel the adjustments being made in the clockworks, reset, and then a resuming of the movement of time.

Results aren't immediate in experience but seed was planted the moment I made my request. If left to germinate it will arrive when ripe. It's mostly about me growing into the person I need to be for my desire to come into fruition. It is not easy to trust that Spirit knows how to accomplish our desired result. This is most apparent in our search for a mate, rather than exercising patience we jump on the first thing that slows down.

The Gift

A brief review of that fat little notebook reminded me to trust that the answer to my request is always affirmative. When I was having the financial struggles at the center I jumped ship rather than practice patience. Intellectually, I decided that what I was doing was for ego rather than God; years later I see that it was ego fighting for its own life. The way I now distinguish between God's voice and egos is to see which one calls for my highest and best self? Which one requires a gentle stretch?

Sitting back and allowing or trusting Spirit to do what Spirit does isn't easy. Trusting God to send the people and experiences into my life to grow me into the person who will be ready or a match for what I desire is an act of faith. When the time is ripe there is no struggle, your desires will come together like clockworks.

Lessons on Loving

Last week I had a wonderful couple on the show. I went to college with Levett and had the honor of meeting his wife Pia for the first time on the show.

I love the way love looks with the eyes of adoration, its not something you can rehearse. I loved the interview and the beauty of the book. I hope you get a chance to check it out. I wish you love.

Finding Sandra

Years ago I was trying to figure out why I wasn't achieving what I knew in my heart I was capable of. I made a list of people that I knew, made a few exploratory calls and had conversations about "my situation," no one seemed to think that my failure to achieve my goals was a problem of ability but of timing. I didn't know how to get "unstuck" as I called it so I sought professional help. I made of list of all my talents, my desires and dreams, knowing that it was within my power to achieve them all, and headed down to the clinic. I waited quite a while not having an appointment. I would have to be seen, I was told, after or in between the appointments of others. The intake process included an interview to assess the problem and its severity. From there my case would then be discussed within the counselor's weekly review meeting to set up a plan of action. I would bet assigned to a counselor after which a date would be set for me to begin therapy. They warned me that this could take up to six months to be completed.

Therapy

My list and self assessment may have contributed to therapy sessions starting almost immediately. A counselor, Shaun Johnson, who was "sitting in" on the intake because he was just starting wanted my case. After several months of showing up and talking nonstop for an hour each week I asked if he had figured out what my issue was, why was I not achieving my goals? At the end of the session he said rather clinically "I think you suffer from cognitive dissonance let's talk about it next week." I went home pulled out books, got online and researched everything I could on cognitive dissonance which for me proved to be an elusive little bugger. It's when your ideal self and actual self don't match up, I know that is an over simplification but it works. What I needed to know was why not. One example was I have always wanted to write a book I read and wrote constantly but I was always my own worst critic. Either I wouldn't finish the book or I would feel awkward at having someone read or edit what I had written.

I wanted to understand why so I could get beyond it. Now having been diagnosed I could try to bring this distortion into alignment which is in itself a process. Shaun left moving to New Orleans prior to hurricane Katrina and we never worked through my issues. Was I not living in my own head or overly concerned with the opinions of others? Honestly I still struggle with it today. I still I hear my girlfriend's comments and tone it down when I'm getting dressed.

Finding Me

The challenge it seems is to live out my truth in the moment, without apologizing. Rather than getting distracted by arbitrary circumstance just do it. So what if I get the urge to write at 4 am or 8 pm I can actually do it rather than think about the appropriateness of the moment. I am absolutely guilty of at times being more concerned about others feelings than my own. That concern while many of us believe it to be normal and appropriate can have us marching to the beat of another person's drum rather than our own. Making constant modifications that leave us flying half staff and feeling grossly unfulfilled.

I have talked for years about our inherent uniqueness and the obligation that we have to live out the truth for which we were created to live. Often that means that someone will not like what I have to say, but my or your speaking up is necessary to move us both forward. My friends have an absolute right to make whatever comments they choose and I have an absolute right to hear them and disregard their opinion if I so choose. Overtime, if one is not careful, other people's opinions and criticism can chip away at one's perception of self to the point that we lose touch with our own truth.

Many of us have our own personal constitution that may or may not fit in with those around us. It is therefore necessary to find ways to celebrate who we are naturally. I always find it interesting to see the little girls who are girly with purses and dresses and those that are tom boys. As children our personalities come to the surface and are there defiantly. As adults the same is true but we often surround ourselves with opinionated others that sometimes cause a pause in our thinking to consider new information.

As I was typing this I heard my neighbor make his usual comment about turning left to enter your place of residence. Some are tempted to drive around the block and come back from the right just to avoid hearing his protest. Our opinions have to override the opinions of those around us or we'll get lost energetically. We have to surround ourselves with a variety of friends who either affirm us or with whom we have common interest. It is great to have friends who love to party as long as you also have those that will attend an opera or yoga class with you if you so choose. People don't usurp your individuality, we relinquish it to fit in and then wonder why we're feeling scattered and off center. We have to learn how to set effective boundaries so that we don't lose ourselves in others.

So make a list of what you love to do, places you love to go, values you hold dear and commit to speaking up when you feel moved to do so. In other words be true to you. May the force be with you.

In Memory of Eugene A. White

I went to the funeral of a dear friend today. I made the 30 minute drive to pay tribute to a man I adored. When I arrived the audience was full of people who also adored him and shared much of the same experience that I had. His son commented that everyone has a "Dr. White story," it was true and most of them were funny.

His obituary was filled with his many accomplishments he was complex yet simple. When we originally met he told me he was an atheist recognizing himself as the "got damn cause" of everything that happened in his life. This spawned many wonderful conversations that went on for years. One day he finally announced himself a Buddhist and threatened to dawn a loin cloth and parade the streets to talk about causality. His generous spirit will be missed. I am honored to call him a friend. I share here his list of guiding principles listed in his obituary.

White's Dozen

1. Everybody is a minority of one.
   
2. Every group is a lie (from Kierkegaard), every hog thinks his own sty is the nastiest. (his Mother)
   
3. I am more than a noun or adjective; I am a verb. Any relevant label for me must relate to my actions and not my adjectivized noun-ness.
   
4. I am not an effect, but rather a cause. I am responsible for my goals and my actions to achieve those goals, as well as for the consequences of my actions or inactions.
   
5. Thought is not so much the result of experience as experience is the result of thought.
   
6. One indispensable part of being a verb, i.e., of "doing," is that I ask. That facilitates my interaction with other verbs.
   
7. The world outside, from my point of view, is not under my control, is not rational, and is not sane. The world inside, however, is mine to control; it is indeed my kingdom.
   
8. "In the beginning was the word" and the word is not to be trusted.
   
9. My skin and hair have little, if anything, to do with what I am. They have more to do, however, with what others may think of me before they meet me. They also have much to do with my commitment to truth and justice, my love of wisdom, and my sense of humor. Those who look for me will find me inside my skin and hair.
   
10. Prejudice is the ability of some to know me without asking me. Some blacks are guilty of that also, as they insist that if I do not think or talk or act in certain ways, I cannot be black. I am a homo sapiens.
    
11. My six best friends are named who, what, where, how, when and why. (credit to Rudyard Kipling)
    
12. My seven rules of life are:
    
    1. I shall act today.
       
    2. I will perfect myself.
       
    3. I will ask for nothing.
       
    4. I will give generously.
       
    5. I will receive gratefully.
       
    6. I will not pretend.
       
    7. I will blame no one.
       

       (Credit to Seven Rules, A.W. Robertson. Gloxinia Press. 1960)

Book of Sandra ~ The Shoot

"You airbrushed my face?"

A Picture is Worth 1,000 Words

I recently had a friend come down to the studio and take some pictures of me on my set. He is a professional photographer and always being innovative with his work. I love the way he looks at the works of famous photographers and figures out what they do and then immolates it. I have had him take pictures of me where he used shadows like in the photo I used above and on all my work. In that picture he added shadow for effect.

This time around he wanted to do some alter ego shots on my set. He came in set up his own lights in an already well lit studio and quickly took a few shots in 2 different outfits he seemed pressed for time and then left.

When he dropped off the pictures yesterday I was quite surprised. I loved the effect he was trying to produce but what I noticed most immediately was my missing nose. I said "you airbrushed my face?" He said "no, no, no I simply took out the shadows and got rid of the hot spots." So really my nose is the same he explained but taking away the shadow and the shine makes it look like that.

Shadow Side

I woke this morning with that idea on my mind. We try so hard to walk the middle path our lives to avoid the excesses; stirring clear of the darkness but yet not walking to close to the light for fear that either will consume us. That picture made me realized that it's both my darkness and the light that makes me who I am, to deny either is to deny what makes me me. I have learned to love and accept me as I am for who I am.

Book of Sandra ~ Now

Life is awesome. To live in the present is to recognize each moment as a gift that only comes once and when gone it never comes again. Time is described like an unrelenting tide that stops for nothing cutting a path and leaving those that are unprepared or unyielding in its wake. Ready or not here it is now.

To live in the moment requires that we be consciously present and willing is nice too. When I'm in the moment I'm more open and aware of spiritual guidance. I'm prompted to make a call to a friend that I haven't talked to in a while, or go to a coffee house where another old friend shows up. A song on the radio, a book, a television show or any old little thing that triggers some thought and viola wonderful happens.

I love reminding people that miracles happen all the time when we're open to receive. The trouble is that we either block it or ignore it. We get complacent or lazy. I've done it too. Opting to passively watch rather than engage. What I've schedule for tomorrow remains in my tomorrows that never comes and I fall prey to the law of diminishing intent.

Carpe Diem

I was over a friend's house years ago, we were in our twenties. We had decided to go for a leisurely walk around her neighborhood; we use to do that all the time (I wonder why we stopped). On this particular day this older woman was solemnly watering her lawn, as we approached, she turned off her hose and said to us, if you have something you want to do, do it now don't wait. She said she and her husband had sacrificed and saved planning to travel when they both retired. She got this blank distant look in her eyes and then said "he went and died on me six months before retirement." She turned her hose back on. I remember getting caught up on her anger; she made it sound as if it was something he did to her purposefully. She was angry at him for something he had no control over. In the moment the message was overshadowed by her grief.

To be honest we have been a bit critical of those among us that seek immediate gratification, saying that we have to work for what we want and be patient. We know too that tomorrow is not promised and none of us gets a do over. So what are we waiting for? Retirement, a rainy day or what? How often do you say tomorrow?

In a church service one day I listened as the minister talked about a friend who had asked her to will a $1,200 bottle of wine to her. The minister had been saving the bottle for a special occasion. When we're looking for something special nothing seems to be special enough to open a bottle that was already paid for.

Something similar happened to me. I bought a can of lump crab meat that was on sale and didn't want to eat it alone so I kept waiting to open it. I'd had friends over for dinner but nothing seemed special enough for me to open the crab. I grilled or made salads but had not opened my crab. Finally after saving it for 6 months I decided I'd better just make some crab cakes anyway. As soon as I pierced the can the smell of my precious crab hit my nose. I wasted $20 waiting for something special rather than realizing that if I used any of the other opportunities to make the crab cakes that would have created the specialness.

I know it doesn't seem like much but many of us squander away opportunities waiting for something to happen rather than making the moment special. We each have the power to bring specialness to any situation. So go ahead and put on that dress, lingerie, shoes, suit or cologne. Splurge on every meal that you have time to enjoy; you never know when it'll be your last. Come to every moment with your entire being and reach deeply it maybe your last chance. The only moment is now so seize it! Carpe Diem!