Book of Sandra ~ Go Strong or Go Home

Chapter 13

So I have been fighting writing this week. I know when you come to the page you have to be in a position to be honest and share what you really feel. I have not been in that place because while I want to share my insights I'm ambivalent, you never know who's reading this. However as I write this two things come to mind. The first is that to not share what I think, my truth is to stand in the way of someone else's growth. Truth is relative so it's one person's perspective and even that can be a hard pill to swallow. I owe it to myself and them and myself to share it. The second part of that I have to set up.

I had a speaking engagement set up for this past week, it was kind of last minute but sometimes those are the best kind. I had a full schedule so I was squeezing in prep time. I kept trying to get a feel for what I was going to talk about but nothing concrete was coming. Normally I pray about it and in meditation I'll get excited about a subject and then start to develop a skeleton. I try not to fill in all the details that is spirit's part. Anyway, I was getting glimmers of a message but nothing complete like I normally do.

The Science of Mind: 50th Anniversary Edition

The Request

In my meditation that morning I asked for clarity, was what I had prepared on point? I got the sensation that I should do one on my message hunts. I have a box of 200+ Science of Mind and Unity magazines, when I want a message I choose one blindly and then open it to a page and where my eyes land I read. So the second part of my reasoning is the message I got. It was from Herman Melville and simply said. . ."woe to the one who aims to please rather than appall," I was blown away. How much clearer could a message get? I got the image of Jesus going into the temple and turning over the tables of money changers and admonishing the leadership. Was I up to the task?

The energy I felt from that group was weak and confused. Not what I expected at all. I'm big on feeling energy it gives a clear indication on leadership and the trajectory of my talk. I stood up on high and was going to get these people excited and vibrating higher than they were when I walked in if I had to lay hands on them myself. I talked and quoted and reminded them of what they should already know. Reaching back to the basics always gets a reaction out of people. I got one or two resonant stares but not enough. So I kept talking and finally when I had worked myself up into my frenzy I sat down. The music played and then the guy who is the spiritual leader of the center stood up and apologized saying a few nice things then something like growth hurts – stretching is uncomfortable.

Insight

We talked after service and he said he wasn't apologizing for me but that people get bent out of shape when someone tries to get them to stretch. He talked about pleasing his board and I reminded him of the quote that I allowed to guide me. Spiritual audacity is the term I used in my talk. We have to have the audacity to see God everywhere. We have to have the audacity to believe in miracles and guidance and to follow that where it may lead. To talk about what is right rather than popular, if that is not what church is for then what is the point? There must be a moral authority based on teachings and principles and not on the collection plate. It is the responsibility of leadership to lead and not follow.

I'm thankful for the lesson.

Book of Sandra - Take Aim

A Work in Progress

This may not make a lot of sense to you but it does to me. I'm working on me and my ability to express what I have in my head. When I'm up on stage I have no problem talking. I can see faces and grasp when others are getting it and when they are not. On the page I realize that working to get something on this screen and press the publish button.

I want to be able to take an idea and write as much as I can as clearly as I can before moving on to the next point. As I do this blog hopefully I'm getting better at explaining things. I'm breathing new life back into my vocabulary and taking the thoughts that I have and stretching them out for your consideration and mine. If you're reading this thank you, if you ask me questions or make comments that would help.

I just posted a blog on effects. So let me tell you a quick little story. I was on radio for 12 years and had a call in show. The station wasn't that sophisticated so rather than have an 8 - 12 second delay where they could edit or beep out unsuitable stuff, it just went right out on air. To make matters worse because my show was late in the evening I didn't always have a tech in the booth to answer the phone line and screen the calls. I often answered a ringing line with "hello you're on the air." Yes, a disaster waiting to happen.

Gloria the Grim Reaper

Anyway one day I got a call from Gloria, she called periodically to other shows I'd heard her before and thought she had a pretty dark personality. She introduced herself and asked "are you going to hang up on me?" "No Gloria, I'm not going to hang up on you. What's on your mind?" Gloria proceeded to criticize me and my show, she couldn't understand why they let me on the air, called me a liar and told me I was "so heavenly minded I was no earthly good." I let her talk about me and when she was done I thanked her for the call and hung up. I hadn't argued, debated, or showed any resistance I just listened & prayed "God help me determine what's helpful here and what is her trying to be hurtful." I wanted to hear.

When I finally hung up I felt like I was grappling for words, I tried to pick up where I'd left off but I felt I was still flopping in the wind. Then the calls started to come in, listeners reassuring me that she was just some spinster looking to get a rise out of me. Every caller until my show ended and afterward called to say how much they loved and appreciated my show. Her words still haunt me to this day but they don't stop me from talking.

Months later she did the same thing to another host, I really should have called Stephonia after it happened but I didn't she had a good support system, I thought. The next week I listened purposefully to see if she was going to say anything about Gloria's call but there was a guest host on. The following two weeks she had guest host and she never came back on air at that station again. For some reason criticism seems to have more of an impact on people than praise does. We carry with us the judgments that people make. They lay seemingly dormant in the back of our minds and can trigger defensive reactions if we're not conscious of them.

Fingerprints

Every event has a fingerprint. If you were held back a grade in school you always feel secretly inadequate and over compensate today. There are incidents that you will always remember and that will affect your current reactions no matter how trivial it may seem. Some people never get over being chosen last. Forgiveness is key to letting go or at least loosening the grip that the past has on your present. I hope Gloria continued to listen to my show so she's not angry anymore. God bless our teachers in whatever form they show up in. amen