This was in my box as a draft, its been there for months. I'm not editing it read at your own risk, you've been warned. . .
I use to be a complainer. I remember evaluating a person’s feeling toward me by how engaged they became in my distress. Sharing my issue-of-the-day formed a pseudo intimate bond with others in my mind. It gave us common ground and validated my distress and me so it felt good. I perfected my "poor me routine" because people, men in particular, seemed issue oriented and needed to be engaged.
It worked like a charm for a while, that is until I grew up and wanted to stop playing that role. Unfortunately, the price paid for abdicating one’s own power by enlisting the opinions and help of others is high. Personal power like a muscle needs exercise to strengthen and grow. The ability to think for self, to make decisions, to trust those decisions and deal with the consequences builds your power and confidence. Refusing to stand on your own two feet results in muscular atrophy in one or both of the feet.
Personal autonomy is not something that we are taught, on the contrary women are often taught to play dumb around our men so we don’t intimidate them. That’s one of the reasons why men think women change after marriage, because they no longer need to pretend. That’s not to say that men aren't strong or smart enough to know the game, but once the ego is engaged it’s hard to see past the charade. Nor is it to say that all women are being deceptive, that’s not completely true either. Two heads are still better than one when both heads come completely to the table.
Begin here . . . .
I use to be a complainer. I remember evaluating a person’s feeling toward me by how engaged they became in my distress. Sharing my issue-of-the-day formed a pseudo intimate bond with others in my mind. It gave us common ground and validated my distress and me so it felt good. I perfected my "poor me routine" because people, men in particular, seemed issue oriented and needed to be engaged.
It worked like a charm for a while, that is until I grew up and wanted to stop playing that role. Unfortunately, the price paid for abdicating one’s own power by enlisting the opinions and help of others is high. Personal power like a muscle needs exercise to strengthen and grow. The ability to think for self, to make decisions, to trust those decisions and deal with the consequences builds your power and confidence. Refusing to stand on your own two feet results in muscular atrophy in one or both of the feet.
Personal autonomy is not something that we are taught, on the contrary women are often taught to play dumb around our men so we don’t intimidate them. That’s one of the reasons why men think women change after marriage, because they no longer need to pretend. That’s not to say that men aren't strong or smart enough to know the game, but once the ego is engaged it’s hard to see past the charade. Nor is it to say that all women are being deceptive, that’s not completely true either. Two heads are still better than one when both heads come completely to the table.
Begin here . . . .
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