I was sitting on my deck a few weeks ago feeling the warmth of the
sun typing on my laptop. I heard the
traffic on the street and people talking as they walked by but none of it
registered in my consciousness because I was in a zone working. But then something cut through my cocoon and
pulled me into a state of awareness. I
was not sure if I was listening in real-time or if I was operating on a delay what
I heard was a woman’s voice saying “my doctor told me I have six months to
live.” Curious to see who was talking I quietly
sifted my position to get a glimpse of who was talking to whom. It was my neighbor talking to the guy who
delivered meals on wheels to the lady a few doors down.
Immediately, my judgments took over. I thought “if she’d stop all the drinking and
drugging she wouldn’t be in that predicament.”
Hah! she's toxic; she just got out of jail, her & her boyfriend
fight all the time, she eats junk food 24/7 and gets up off the coach only to
grab a beer or walk to the store for another bag of Fritos. She’s a walking talking drugged out zombie. In my mind she might find death a relief from
her seemingly miserable life.
While
people normally have conversations like that with me I was so glad she hadn’t I
did not have her in a good place in my mind. Funny thing about the mind is that I could have all those
thoughts in a split second and not miss a beat.
I don’t know what was said before the "six months to live" statement but I
did hear the guy as he started fussing at her saying that God has the final
word not some doctor.
As he talked I heard him say things that I’d said so many
times before, in essence it is done onto you as you believe. “If you accept that you surely will be dead
in six months or less,” he said. “How
are you going to go down without a fight?
Isn’t your life worth more to you than that? Somebody tells you that you’re going to die
and you say okay and wait on it?” Oh he was giving it to her good. “Don’t you ever let those words come out of
your mouth again!” He spoke to her with
such authority and disdain for what she just shared I knew she must have felt
ashamed, because I did.
I felt ashamed because I know what it means to have
spiritual authority; to speak to the mountain and tell it to move and it be
done. I was looking at what actually was
rather than what was possible. I had
not looked beyond her faults, but rather, reinforced them because of what she had
shown me. Familiarity does breed contempt
since she was my neighbor I didn’t have the luxury of not knowing her experientially. Now along comes the Good
Samaritan and after fussing for five minutes he asked “are you saved?” I didn’t hear her answer because it was not a
question that was important to me. I do know that
that’s when he started to pray with her and as he did so did I.
As man drove off to continue his route I sat there questioning myself. Who is this stranger that is in my head today
thinking as if it were me? I, Sandra
Bishop, know better. I know that I
cannot escape the prison that I locked my neighbor into. If I hold in my mind that she is doomed then
I will be too. I can’t be free if I
imprison my sister; as I see her, I will see myself. Not that I do what she does but if she can’t
change, if her life can’t be transformed then neither can mine. God is no respecter of persons if I can be
transformed so can she and so can you. It
can and did happen in a holy instant.
This exchange was an answer to a prayer I’d asked, “God
where have I strayed off course?” I love
the way God speaks. He didn’t have to
say “my child you’re not looking at your neighbor through loving eyes.” He let me overhear a conversation so that I
could open my own eyes.
I can’t be a miracle worker with judgmental calcified vision. I have to see not only what is possible; I
have to see the masterpiece that God ordained them to be, that requires that I
be open and loving. I almost typed
forgiving but it’s not that, it is beyond forgiveness. Forgiveness assumes that something is out of
order or wrong. I know that sometimes
part of our growth process requires that we go into the darkness to better see
the light. It’s not that a person is wrong
or off course they are “in the process” and if they keep moving forward it all
works out as it should. Sometimes we get
all get stuck and linger longer than we should in the darkness thinking that
that is our truth. A prayer is often sufficient
summons guidance. God's will will be done.
Here’s what I know.
If I am in judgment of another person I’m not in the light, I’m in the
darkness too. I know that a shift in
perception is all it takes; I know how to get back to heaven without a
GPS. I also know that heaven is
incomplete without my neighbor so if I want it restored to me it is imperative
that I show them the way. I can’t do
that from a place of judgment (standing in the dark pointing at the light) but only from a place of love.
I trust that God has a purpose and plan for each of us and that
successful execution of that plan is inevitable. Once a person hears the summons, sees the
light or feels the pull there will be miracle workers like you and I along their
path encouraging them to keep moving forward.
Whispering “rest if you must but don’t you quit we’re waiting on you.”